Learning to Disagree Well

Dear Leader,

Last week, social media in Nigeria was filled with conversations surrounding the proposed change to the National Youth Service Corps (NYSC) uniform.

According to reports, the Minister of Youth Development mentioned that the traditional khaki uniform would be replaced with Adire fabric as part of reforms approved by the Federal Executive Council. Within hours, the announcement attracted widespread criticism. Soon after, the minister clarified that the reports did not accurately reflect the decision.

This letter is not about whether the announcement was misunderstood, whether the clarification came too late, or whether the proposed change was a good idea. It is about something I believe is far more important. How do we disagree?

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Leadership conversations often focus on how leaders should receive criticism. We tell leaders to be teachable, approachable, and willing to listen. But we spend far less time teaching followers how to disagree well.

In every nation, disagreement is inevitable. But I have noticed that too often, our criticism begins and ends with conclusions. “It’s a terrible idea.” “This makes no sense.” “Who even thought of this?” But thoughtful disagreement asks better questions. Why do I disagree? Can I clearly explain my concern beyond saying, “I just don’t like it”? Have I tried to understand the problem the leader is attempting to solve? Am I criticizing the decision, or am I attacking the person?

The philosopher Bertrand Russell observed, “Most people would rather die than think. Many do.“ It is a humorous statement, but it reveals something uncomfortable. Thinking is hard work, but reacting is easy. Social media has made reaction almost effortless. Within seconds, we can express outrage, gather support, and move on to the next conversation. But leadership, whether we are leading or following, demands something deeper than reaction. And one of the greatest gifts we can give our leaders is honorable disagreement.

The quality of our criticism often determines the quality of the conversation that follows. A leader who is constantly met with ridicule eventually stops listening or giving. A leader who is only surrounded by applause eventually stops learning. Neither outcome is healthy.

As followers, we have a responsibility not only to speak truth but to speak it in a way that invites dialogue instead of defensiveness. Sometimes, our perspective may expose a blind spot that the leader genuinely could not see. Sometimes, after understanding the broader picture, we may discover that our initial criticism was incomplete. Both outcomes require humility.

As leaders ourselves, we should remember this because people are watching how we disagree with those above us. They are learning from our example whether disagreement is an opportunity to seek understanding or merely a chance to win an argument. Healthy leadership cultures are not built by people who always agree. They are built by people who know how to disagree without losing respect for one another.

Perhaps that is the challenge for all of us this week. Not simply to ask, “Do I agree?” But also to ask, “Am I communicating my disagreement in a way that makes the conversation better?” Because leadership is not measured only by the quality of our decisions. It is also revealed by the quality of our conversations.

Yours in leadership

Queen